You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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