there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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