so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize