is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
