I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
