need another drink. this is the easiest way
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize