I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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