imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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