I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
