oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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