that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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