Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
