we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
