i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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