I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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