i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
ttyl tear gas
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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