Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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