I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
