I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
