I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
