this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
