dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize