a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
