either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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