you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
jump out the window naked night went bad
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