She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
