the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
