I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i've created a new STD.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
