she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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