Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
