I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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