Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
