The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
