Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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