y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
