Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
