so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
