when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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