If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
