My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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