Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
