This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
