hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
