Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
