Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
