why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
