She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
