Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The uberlube is also flammable
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
