You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize