So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
