Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
