I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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