i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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