This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
