You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize