You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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