I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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