I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
