dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Congratulations! We have a period
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
