He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize