I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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