dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
