hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
