Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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