I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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