I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
