i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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