apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
