I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
