Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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