I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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