3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sext me about skeletons
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
