i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
