Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
