I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
