Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
