I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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