Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize