And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
