Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
worst night to have a conscience
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
