i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
