brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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